Let's Do "The Frazzle Dance"

Stand up. Push your chair back, give yourself lots of room. (I meant it, get up, off ya butt, push ya chair back...) Now. Extend your arms out to the side like you're a bird or something... ya know, with wings. Now bend your elbows and bring your hands toward your face like you're going to fan yourself. Check to make sure you have enough room. Rapidly vibrate your hands up and down until you feel a good breeze. Move from foot to foot with knees slightly bent (this takes pressure off the lower back) and then begin to move like you are stepping on hot coals... don't forget the hands, the hands must vibrate... Are you doing this? Now, say, "frazzle, frazzle, frazzle, frazzle, frazzle, frazzle, frazzle..." as fast as you can while vibrating your hands and hopping from foot to foot... it must be frenzied, like the hot coal thing. This is The Frazzle Dance. (I stole it from Slim the Walking Stick in "Bug's Life.") I do this when shit happens... good shit... bad shit... or to let people know, I'M FRAZZLED!! So, I'm frazzled. Ya know, life is I-RON-IC! (Please say that with an Australian accent...sounds so much better - damn! That reminds me that I didn't do any of my accents in Kansas City! Nor did anyone see my tattoo!! Focus Nanner... where was I? OH.) I-RON-IC. Now I sound like Tarzan (GOR-RIL-LA). If you don't know what I'm talking about go rent a Disney movie!! So, last week, I wrote this: I'm not sure how to break this cycle. Its not like I have men beating down my door to give it a whirl with. Hold on, someone's at the door... That's the irony... I say that... and... hold on... someone's at the door... suddenly the floodgates open, the Earth shifts track, the moon is full... hold on.. someone's at the door... Anyway, I distinctly remember telling Aimee or Katey or Celti or more than one, that perhaps I would meet my One in the hotel lobby. Tall, dark hair, green eyes... hold on... someone's at the door. But then I said this: I suppose I may use that as a mechanism to keep myself from being vulnerable and actually having to commit and be intimate in a relationship. Its the same thing with Lex, except he does it to me, which pisses me off, yet I have done it others, which pissed them off. Actually, I said this part first and then I said the other part. My point is... even if I did meet Mr. Tall-Dark & Green.. WTF was I supposed to do with him? Am I ready for that? So... what would happen say if I did meet Mr. Tall-Dark & Green for real. And he says, "Gurrrl, you are the most precious thing I've encountered..." Let's say I did meet Mr. Tall-Dark & Green... and we have this incredible connection... enough that I'm doing The Frazzle Dance. Enough that I'm sitting back wondering, did I really do something so wonderful as to deserve this? It must have been something pretty damn good. How did this happen? I asked with specificity didn't I? That's what I get... a gift from the Goddess herself. I do not turn my back on an opportunity. I have backed away from quite a few and this time, I didn't. I haven't moved. Not forward. Not backwards. In my "103 + 1 Things About Me" post, I said, "I have a fear of commitment because I have a fear of abandonment. My brain thinks if it isn’t committed then it can’t be abandoned." Its that I'm afraid to put myself out there and things not work out... not because "we're not feelin' it..." but because I'm an emotional cripple. I'm afraid of ruining it. I have no idea how to let someone into my life. However, I am more fearful of losing this opportunity than I am of what may come of it. I don't feel as though its a "now or never" thing, nor a "last chance" thing. I also don't see it as "therapy" or "the opportunity to work on shit before moving on to the 'real thing'." I'm just trying to see it in the simplest terms possible. Two people who have made a connection among all the people in the world and if its meant to be, it will find a way.