The Fourteen Years War - 1994 - Volume III

By this time, I was in way far deep with Jeff. He had worked his magic on me. I say that because I was very co-dependent at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still co-dependent, just not an active member of the Co-Dependent Society. I see co-dependency the same as I do alcoholism, you can slide down the slippery slope. This was around the same time I was in counseling for the sexual abuse and looking back, I can say I shouldn’t have been any new relationships. Sometimes it is hard to see your own vulnerabilities. Jeff and I spent as much time loving as we did fighting. He was (and is) very jealous. He controlled me in much the same way Julie had controlled AZ, through fear and love. On occasion, we would go out to a remote camp, drink, fight, have sex, laugh, or whatever. I warned him that we had to be careful since he wasn’t actually divorced and the other officers were going to pick up on our relationship, which he 100% denied. Why he didn’t think anyone would notice is still totally beyond me. One of our favorite meeting places was that same park where we had first met. There was one particular shelter that sat at the top of a hill. I became very adept at recognizing the distinctive sound of a police cruiser coming up that hill. Once, we caught a peeping tom up there. Guess who the peeping tom was peeping on? An off-duty police officer and his illicit girlfriend. It wasn’t his best day. I got a pager and Jeff and I became very skilled at sending each other messages via numerical code. We could call from any phone and tell the other where we were and where we were going to be. I hung out at a local club where Jeff worked overtime. It was behind that club that Jeff and I kissed the first time. The pager also became a convenient way for Jeff to break up with me. I would be driving down the road and out of the blue, boom, he would tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore ... via pager. This would persist for a few days, just enough time for me to cry it out and attempt to move on when he would page me, want to see me, etc. I see now it was a cat and mouse game. He kept me off balance enough to keep me in line, which as you can probably tell, was a full time job. As Viggo says, "The nurse in me, won’t let me leave." AZ was often not far from my thoughts, and there were many times that I missed him. Although he and I fussed, it was nothing compared to the knock down, drag outs that Jeff and I had. It was nothing like dealing with Jeff and Lo reconciling for the kids’ birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas when Jeff’s older son would come in from out-of-state. My disenchantment waxed and waned. AZ and I still talked but kept a decent distant from one another physically. By the end of 1994, Jeff had been promoted to the detective bureau and subsequently would be spending time in Atlanta, GA to learn how to run a polygraph. Oh, how when the cat’s away, the mouse shall play. Next... 1995