So Much For Today

It was not the greatest day, although it could have been worse. I was tired all day because I sat up until 1:30 this morning writing to AZ. I hope what I said gets his head out of his ass. I think I used those words too. Keep in mind that I love AZ very much as a friend. Sometimes I love him as more than a friend but for right now, I'm all up in the friend thing. We've watched each other make some pretty foolish choices and one in particular on his part I watched go down and wanted so much to step in and say, "Man, you're fucking up. This chick is psycho." But I didn't because honestly, I didn't think he would have listened. He debates otherwise. Anyway, when things finally came to a head, I told him what I had thought and he asked, "why didn't you say anything? You're the third person to say that." So, from that point on I decided to tell him what I saw and how I saw it in order to save him the time and expense and bullshit of figuring it out. And you know, that never fucking works. Nevertheless.... I am putting my best bitchy foot forward and telling him like it is... about him. No, he's not on drugs, he's not an alcoholic or any of that crap. By outward appearances, he looks quite normal and acts quite normal. Ahhhh my children, but what lies beneath?? Some phrases I used included the aforementioned "get your head out of your ass," "Wake the fuck up dude," and "why are you so fucking stubborn?" I'm a great friend aren't I? Trust me, if I use those phrases it means I love you and care about you and am "tired of watching you piss away the best parts of yourself. " He's done it for me, although he didn't have to use any words, he said all of that and more with just one look. I feel as though I'm just returning the favor, one friend to another. Although, I have to say, it sucks. The whole situation just sucks and I have no idea if I'm making things better or worse. Guess I'll find out next week. I had a lunch date today with the Bald UPS Guy. Sissy was so excited for me until she found out it wan't the muscular skinny Bald UPS Guy but the older, heavier Bald UPS Guy. Lord, you should have seen her face... I felt like such a loser. The lunch date was okay. The conversation wasn't all that great. He seemed like a nice guy and he's been flirting with me forever. BUT... here's where the guys can roll their eyes and tell me to get a clue. He asked when he could see me again and I told him next Tuesday. I seriously have to get my ass in gear at work, my boss is not a happy man, which means, I'll be eating in the office. Second, this is my weekend with my son and I don't go out unless its a special, special occasion when I have him. Third, on the following Monday, Gabriel, as I will now call Hyper-Boy (please make note of it) has a doctor's appointment. Now, Bald UPS Guy says, "What, I can't see you sooner than that??" Uh... no. That irritated me. I don't play games and I'm not coy. If I said "next Tuesday" I meant, "next Tuesday." I gave him the appreviated version as to why that is as I didn't feel as though after one lunch date I owed a formal one. I just hate that. Now, I know that some guys are sitting out there going, "but he's just interested in you." Well, get a clue Mr. Interested, have some respect for what I just said. Second, I picked up the newspaper and noticed when the first WVU game is going to be and mentioned I needed to get cable so I could watch the games without snow on the screen. He said, "No you don't, you can just watch the game on my big screen TV." Uh... no. Guess it didn't dawn on him that I may have my own set of friends that I watch football with. I don't like being rushed and that made me feel rushed. I don't know, it just hit me the wrong way. Like he's taking a lot for granted. I just wasn't feeling it. There was no spark. I did agree to have lunch with him next week as I have been encouraged to "give it a try." I will go with an open mind and just be myself and see what happens. Okay, I'll try to do those things but if I don't feel comfortable after the second date, I'm calling it off.