This May Surprise You

I will not be going to see my new niece Annie anytime soon.  She will probably be 3 or 4 months old before I lay eyes on her.  There are many reasons for this and coming to the decision not to go to my brother's house has been a hard one. My brother and I are not close.  We were as children but then I grew boobs and he figured out he was mom's favorite and used it against me.  The last conversation we had entailed him recounting a conversation he had with our father in which he told my dad that as soon as he died he was going to sell the farm.  I told him I thought that was a cruel thing to say as my parents have worked their whole lives for what they have and it is their dream.  My dad was none to pleased either.  It made him angry but more so, it hurt his feelings.  I reminded my brother that he was not the single heir to the kingdom and any, and I do mean, any decisions that were made following our parents death would include me.  I also told him I thought he was rotten and insenstive.  I think that was 4 years ago, although I'm not sure. My sister-in-law is just a bitch.  Her family are assholes.  They look down upon us as though we are simple folk without brains and that we're not good enough to walk upon their lily-white land.  Fuck 'em. The decision to not travel north two hours to see this new flesh-of-my-flesh has been very, very difficult.  I love my nephews, even if they have been taught absolutely nothing their entire lives and wreak havoc everywhere they go, and, I love my niece.  It is not their fault they have been allowed to run amok and terrorize everyone and everything in their path, including each other.  They are both very cute, very smart little boys and I have no doubts that Annie will follow in their footsteps in all ways.  Here is why I will not being going.  I do not feel welcome and I do feel as though my son is welcome.  I am not invited to be a part of their lives unless it suits them for something they want.  Additionally, they treat my parents like shit.  I don't have much respect for my brother and the way he allows his wife to dictate to him that her family is more important that his.  The final straw for me was Hyper-Boy's birthday.  I do not have a party for him, his dad does that.  We have our own thing that we do.  However, since it is close to the 4th of July, I normally take him to my parents and invite my brother and family down.  That didn't happen this year for many reasons.  My brother and family sent him a card.  I could see the disappointment in his eyes as there was nothing inside.  I try to teach my son to accept what is given and not ask for more.  However, I cannot help that he sees a discrepancy in what we do for my nephews and what he received.  I always try to get my nephews a little something for their birthdays and make the two hour trek north for their parties.  Hyper-Boy would have been thrilled with a new state quarter taped to the inside, or one of the gold dollar coins.  He thinks things like that are kewl and neat.  That's all.  Now, I know some of you are thinking that it is wrong for me to expect my brother to send my son a gift of any kind.  Its the thought that counts, right?  Well, I know that my brother and his wife buy gifts for all of her nieces and nephews... and she has five.  I see a difference being made here and I don't like it.  Especially when my son sees it and realizes it.   My mom, in all of her wisdom, said that it was a good lesson in humility for Hyper-Boy.  I'm not sorry to say that I jumped her shit.  I shot back that my son will learn plenty of lessons in life and already has and that he didn't need his own family shoving it down his throat.  Whether you agree or disagree, I stand by what I said.  Further, my brother makes zero effort to get to know my son, his nephew.  What he likes, what kind of personality he has, nothing.  I was not allowed to hold Nephew #1 for the first 3 or 4 months of his life.  Nephew #2, I just walked in and picked him up but not for long.  I really don't feel like dealing with all that bullshit again and since AZ set me straight about how I was subjecting Hyper-Boy to this, he's not going either, with or without me.  Period.   The conversation with my mother today went something like this: Well you and Hyper-Boy can go up with me and your dad to see the baby No, we're not. Well, if you go up with us then they probably won't treat you like they did before. We're not going. Well, maybe you should just give it a little time for them to recuperate and then you can go up. I'm not going mother. Well, now Inanna.  (Silence) Did you just stop by the last time you were there?  Or did you call first? Mother, I don't make a 2 hour trip to just "stop by", of course I called them first.  (Now this is my fault?)  Inanna   Mo-ther   Needless to say, my mother believes I'm going to change my mind and be "the good child."  I'll talk more about the "good child" syndrome tomorrow and also some other things I figured out in relation to myself and my family.  Thanks to T-Bird, I made a major stride in letting go of some pretty rotten baggage.