Sunday, August 01, 2004

The Annie Update

My mom called last night to tell me that they had gone north to see Annie. She first described the three outfits she had bought for her in agonizing detail until I asked, "Mom, who does she look like?" No one. She just looks like Annie. Okay, good start. They have released Annie to come home but my sister-in-law is still in the hospital due to her blood pressure. Which my parents didn't know so they had to add an hour to their trek to see Annie. She said my brother hurt her feelings by griping that they hadn't called first to see where Annie was. So, off they go. When they got to the hospital, my sis-in-law's twin was there and her partner. My mom was upset that SIL's twin didn't remember her name so she could introduce her to her "partner." I add the inflection because that's how my mom said it. My mom is not fond of gay people. My nephews are running amok, to the point the nurse comes in and asks them to quiet down. J2 was trying to force Annie to suck her thumb to the point my mom was afraid he would dislocate her arm. Neither of his parents told him to stop. My mother is afraid Annie will be just as rough as the boys, if she survives them. I said, "that is not your problem mother. C and J choose to allow their children to be that way. And they will be the ones to pay and J1 and J2 have met their match. Not only will she be as rough as they are, she will be twice as evil because she is female." My mom finally said it was probably best that I hadn't gone. What also stands out in my mind is that my mom and dad took a ton of food up there so they could fix lunch for the family. If I'm not mistaken, they've done that when each of their children were born, but they didn't do it for me. My mom yelled at me because I hadn't cleaned the house before I had Hyper-Boy. That used to bother me but I watch how they trip over their own feet to win favor in my brother's house and keep getting slammed. Its upsetting to me but then again, they keep doing it and they rarely, if ever, tell my brother how he has hurt their feelings or whatever. I know they will make the trip north several times over the coming months. I know they will not bother to make one trip to my house, instead my mom will whine to me that I don't visit enough. I made sure when Hyper-Boy was a baby and a toddler that my parents saw him often, even if I was the only one doing the traveling. I did it for Hyper-Boy. My parents have their faults but they are good grandparents. I know that eventually my mom will make a comment that I haven't been up in a while and this is when I will tell her that she hasn't eaten a meal in my home since December of 1999. I will point out the fact that they have made numerous trips to my brother's home and have neglected to give me the same consideration. That is a mean thing to do as I really don't care if they come or not. They don't agree with the way I live my life or clean my house or because I smoke and that's their excuse as to why they don't visit. I really have no problem in making my house presentable if they would like to visit, but presentable is not good enough. It never will be for them, so I do what I'm comfortable with. All that used to really, really bother me and made me feel less than important. I let them do that to me but looking at the big picture I see once again how karmic law works. If I could impress upon anyone how many tears I have cried and how many times I have questioned why I always fell to such disfavor when I tried so hard, you would appreciate the fact that I've let that go. I will continue to facilitate a good relationship between my parents and my son because it makes me feel good for both parties. I know it is what is best. As long as my parents continue to be fair between the grandchildren, I will pick and choose the battles I fight with them over differential treatment between me and my brother. I doubt there will be very many, if any. I can stand up for myself without being cruel if the occasion calls for it, otherwise, I will bounce around in my own life and be glad in it.
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    Blogger Jamie said...

    My dad was like that with my brother. To the point that even as adults, we were not allowed to "take turns" with the front seat. Nope, it ALWAYS goes to bro. Nothing like that to make you feel 9 again. I am not allowed to speak much, and when I do, I am either stupid, or ignored. Then they think I am a moody beeeatch when I start to get upset. Glad he is married now, with child, so there are other people to talk to when we are all together.

    And my house is ALWAYS too messy for all of them. And it isn't that bad. Hell, usually cleaner than bro's.
    Whatever. Families suck sometimes.

    8/01/2004 01:22:00 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Jamie - I felt the pain in your comment. It seems as though I've dredged up quite a bit of discontent amongst the bloggers with my posts. I hope one day you will realize that you are special because you are you. When in situations such as that, I wander off to play with the kids because their love, at this point, is unconditional. I believe in some ways the adults sense my intelligence, my spirit, self-awareness and my willingness to buck the status quo, things they either lack, are afraid of or are too afraid to do. Its taken a long time for me to walk away with a smile on my face and the words, "fuck you assholes, you have no idea" on my lips. Rise above Jamie, rise above, you're worth it.

    8/01/2004 02:13:00 PM  
    Blogger Traci Dolan said...

    Oops, that was me... What the?? I'm not Anon, its my own blog.. lol

    8/01/2004 02:14:00 PM  
    Blogger evilsciencechick said...

    I'm right there with ya! I am the "good one" in the family. I made good grades, I wasn't a party girl, I didn't drink (til i got to college), I didn't do drugs. That was what was expected of me. But whenever I showed an emotion, or objected, I was considered to be moody. Oh, that's just Regan in one of her moods again. Meanwhile, my brothers were constantly getting into trouble, occasionally involving police (never arrested, but fines were paid). My brother still lives life pretty carefree, and pretty much gets away with everything. But now it's a big deal that K has moved in with me.

    I feel that I gave my parents over 20 years of good behavior. Now it's my turn to rebel a bit.

    you don't owe them anything. and I think the resentment you feel could poison you unless you let it go. what has happened in the past has happened. you've done a great job with your son on your own. you should be proud. it's their loss that your family hasn't been as involved as they should have been. maybe one day they will regret it, maybe not. But don't let your bitterness suck you down! *big hugs!*

    8/01/2004 06:57:00 PM  
    Blogger Jack said...

    A hug for you.

    8/02/2004 12:26:00 AM  
    Blogger Aimee said...

    What Jack said.

    8/02/2004 02:09:00 AM  
    Blogger Esther said...

    well, I'm perfectly happy not having my dad visit me. He complains about the state of my house, my smoking, the state of the garden and then he expects me to cook lunch/dinner. I don't cook. I'll go visit him, or go visit my brother when my dad is there. Works wonderfully :). After some trial and error I found the perfect lenght for a visit is never more than one evening sleep over, then leave early in the morning. That way everyone is happy.

    8/02/2004 05:27:00 AM  
    Blogger Traci Dolan said...

    Thanks guys and gals for hugs and all -- I don't have any bitterness ANYMORE, I used to but I got over it. If my parents don't want to visit, don't visit, mores the better for me to not have to clean, however, I won't let them guilt me about not making the trip to see them when their whim strikes. (Shrug) This is just the way it is.

    8/02/2004 04:18:00 PM  
    Blogger Leese said...

    I wish I had something to say, but like the rest of the gang here, all I can offer is a hug to you and HyperBoy.

    8/02/2004 04:34:00 PM  

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