Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Whatever You Do... Don't Flinch

I live on the western end of my county and as luck would have it, everything remotely interesting is to the East. Lucky for me because this means I get to drive through the 2 1/2 mile stretch of the teaming metropolis of The Badlands. Truly, the name it really has doesn't do it justice. The Badlands is 1/2 industrial and 1/2 porn industry. Where else can you buy brick and block and cock in the span of two feet? In this 2 1/2 mile stretch of roadway you will find two Baptist churches, one is beside a "showbar" and the other beside of a "bookstore." In between these two is a "video store," which is roughly the size of a Super Wal-Mart. Don't forget the three hotels!!! One is sweetly dubbed "The El-Raunch-o." One of the other smaller hotels made the news a few months back because they found a body wrapped up nice and neat in a trashcan behind it. One of the bars has been practically destroyed three times by errant vehicles crashing into it. Somehow, one even ended up inside the bar on fire. I watched them lift it out with a crane. Across the street from there is where one of my clients was murdered. A girl was hit by a car crossing the dangerous four-lane highway further down the road. She was trying to get from one bar to another. The car hit her and knocked her down. While she was trying to get up, she got hit again. She never got up again. On the backside of The Badlands are your pot growers and meth labs. That's just 2 1/2 miles. Those 2 1/2 miles are heavily patrolled by the County Sheriff, who have a detachment right in the city, State Police and the lovely Badlands cops themselves. Ocassionally they raid the strip clubs. That's always fun. Its also fun to have encounters with the Badlands cops. Now, not so many years ago, The Badlands was just that... The Badlands. Then some fucktard got the bright idea of incorporating said "city" for the purpose of collecting B&O taxes from the strip clubs, bookstore, video stores and the industrial businesses. This did nothing more than create something for people to threaten to kill each other over and lead to some indictments for money mishandling, vote buying etc. IN THIS 2 1/2 MILE CITY!! Geez, stuff like that normally only happens on a countywide level. The first wave of Badlands Cops were the Barney Fife's of life. The wannabe cops who couldn't get on at a "real" police department. With the internal shake-up, in which said, "Chief" of Police was outed, all of his Barney Fife buddies were fired and real cops were hired. I'm sorry, did I say cops? I meant CIA wannabes. One of these geniuses even wears his Ray-Bans at night. Yep. Now, they know my car. They know me, not by name, hopefully, but they know who I hang with. We've been pulled over so much I'm surprised they don't ask where I am if I'm not with them. See, Chay was dating this guy whose family is heavy into the coke/crack trade. So, any association to that family, however minor, is duly noted. On two occasions I have had the pleasure of being tailed through the city. I was not speeding, heaven forbid you go ONE MILE over the speed limit, nor was I changing lanes, weaving or otherwise doing anything out of the ordinary. And I don't mean they were just following me, they were thisclose to my bumper. I don't find this cool nor professional. I give them dirty looks in my mirrors and I keep going. I don't touch my brake unless I'm going to stop. I don't look left nor right, I don't speed up, I don't slow down. I know its a game of chicken. They want to see if they can make me flinch. I hate to tell them, but I spent five years in The Badlands before they even thought of coming along. If they want to follow me to the city limits, so be it. I'm getting tired though of being followed into my city and all the way to the turn off for my house. Sometimes I just want to stop the car and ask what their fucking problem is, but that would be flinching and I've learned, whatever you do, don't flinch.
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    10 Comments:

    Blogger Leslie said...

    Yikes! Nothing scares me more than those neo-Nazi, CIA wannabe, power-trippin', sunglasses at night wearin' cops. Not the drug dealers, pimps, pervs, etc. It's the cops that make me shudder. Don't give them the satisfaction of flinching!

    9/14/2004 12:17:00 PM  
    Blogger Katrina said...

    I remember when we were headed down from Boston to the panhandle of Florida...we received warnings at every juncture about the southern police force. Never, EVER, speed, change lanes, brake errantly, etc. in Southern Georgia or GOD FORBID Alabama. They'll never find you again, they said. Yikes!

    9/14/2004 12:31:00 PM  
    Blogger Gooch said...

    What's the female equivalent of "having balls"? Whatever it is, you have them. I knew there was something I liked about you. I hate those people who slow down to, like, 30 as soon as they see a patrol car anywhere within the viscinity.

    9/14/2004 02:13:00 PM  
    Blogger CountChocula said...

    Holy crap, no wonder Winnipeg sounds divine! Brass cajones chickadee!

    9/14/2004 02:56:00 PM  
    Blogger jp said...

    Couldn't you write your congressman or something about this?

    9/14/2004 05:07:00 PM  
    Blogger Zelda said...

    I am so sick of the cops where I live. They absolutely suck at investigating real crime, and they are some bad-ass ticket writers. The chief of police was arrested for drunk driving and it took 2 years to fire him.

    9/14/2004 07:01:00 PM  
    Blogger Jenn said...

    and don't forget Cops stick together especially ones like that.

    9/14/2004 11:32:00 PM  
    Blogger Esther said...

    being followed by anyone is scarey. I can imagine the most frustrating thing is that you can't really do anything about it.
    It's cops like these that give the others a bad name.

    9/15/2004 07:05:00 AM  
    Blogger Inanna said...

    LRG - Like Esther said, its just a few that give others a bad name. No flinching!

    Katrina - That’s why movies like “Deliverance” and “Wrong Turn” are made.

    Gooch - I know, I never slow down to below the speed limit when I see a cop. The female equivalent of “having balls?” I think we’re just called bitches.

    Lovisa - Girl, Winnipeg just sounds divine. I think I’ll take some pics of the Badlands.

    JP - Hahahahahahahahahahahaaha

    Zelda - I’ll blog soon about my encounter with my own city police and bike thefts and threats to my neighbors. Grrrrrr....

    Jenn - Yeah, like duct tape.

    Esther - Very true. I know a lot of good cops but some just piss me off.

    9/15/2004 09:55:00 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Yep, that's the famous (or infamous) Badlands. Every now and then I talk about this "metropolis" to my out-of-town coaster friends who get a laugh out of it. Where else can you pick up a stripper at one of these "clubs", treat her to a nice, romantic evening at the VERY impressive "El Rauncho" or any of those other sleazey places, (before picking up a few sex toys at one of the "bookstores") and then attending church the next morning all within a few dozen feet?

    I do admit I have visited the larger "bookstore", the one with the "theatre" in the back. I went there one time with Dave, an old boyfriend of mine. It was quite fun. Didn't buy anything since they are horribly expensive (better places online) but it was quite entertaining seeing what was out there. Hell, there was stuff there that scared the hell out of me.....things that even I had to figure out how it was suppossed to be used and WHY anyone would use it in the first place without doing some serious damage to thier bodies. ;-)

    It's a scary world. Living in Philly I saw some pretty strange areas of the city, but nothing quite as disturbing as the "Badlands". Traci described it perfectly.

    -Tina (aka Beanie)

    9/16/2004 06:33:00 AM  

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