Some Days...

you just can't win.... Medical Provider: Hello. Thanks for calling BADHEALTHCARE. All representatives are busy. Your approximate wait time is ... one minute. (Jeopardy music plays) Bored Voice: Hello, thank you for calling BADHEALTHCARE, this is Bored Voice, how may I help you? Nanna: I needed to check the balance of an account. BV: Are you the patient? Nanna: No, its for a client. BV: What's the account #? Nanna: 123-456-789 BV: The name on the account? Nanna: John Doe BV: Your name? Nanna: Inanna Moon BV: Your phone number? Nanna: (123) 456-7890 BV: Are you with an insurance company? Nanna: No, an attorney's office. BV: Oh, I don't handle attorney accounts. You'll need Bored Voice Department #2. I'll transfer you. Nanna: Thanks. (Phone ringing) BV2 Dept.: Hello, you have reached BADHEALTHCARE DEPT. #2. All representatives are busy at this time. The approximate wait is ... three minutes. (Musak plays - four minutes) Bored Voice 2: Hello, this is Bored Voice 2, how may I help you? Nanna: I needed to check the balance of an account. BV2: Are you the patient? Nanna: No, its for a client. BV2: What's the account #? Nanna: 123-456-789 BV2: The name on the account? Nanna: John Doe BV2: Your name? Nanna: Inanna Moon BV2: Your phone number? Nanna: (123) 456-7890 BV2: The name of your firm? Nanna: Best Attorneys in the World BV2: And you represent Mr. Doe? Nanna: Yes. BV2: I need you to verify Mr. Doe's address. Nanna: 123 Curvy Mountain, Road, WV, 25000. BV2: And what is Mr. Doe's current phone number? Nanna: (123) 987-6543. BV2: What is Mr. Doe's birthdate. Nanna: (What the fuck?? Is this a loan application?) 10/10/10 BV2: And what are the last four digits of Mr. Doe's Social Security Number? Nanna: (SIGH) 9630 BV2: Date of service: Nanna: 06/06/04 (click, click, sound of typing... paper's shuffling... typing...) BV2: I'm sorry that account has been referred to LMNO for collections. Nanna: I see. Can you verify the amount of the bill though? BV2: (pause) Its been referred for collections. Nanna: I understand its been referred for collections, but can you verify the amount of the bill from your records? BV2: You'll need to call LMNO Collections. Their number is (800) 678-4321. Thank you for calling BADHEALTHCARE. (Disconnects call) Nanna: (fuming - dials number) Bored Voice 3: You have reached BADHEALTHCARECOLLECTIONS. All representatives are busy. Your approximate wait time is ... six minutes. Nanna: GAH! (leans back in chair to take short nap) (Repeat convo with BV2 - until...) BV3: And you'll be issuing payment of $300.00 on this account? Nanna: Yes. BV3: And when will that be? Nanna: Within seven days. BV3: Why so long? Nanna: Do you want your money? BV3: Well... Nanna: Then you'll wait another seven days. BV3: Well, you'll need to make the check out to BADHEALTHCARE but send it to BADHEALTHCARECOLLECTIONS at 666 Satan's Spawn Ct., Kill Devil Hills, NC... Nanna: I'll do that. (Nanna takes settlement sheet to Captain) Captain: (Points to BADHEALTHCARE amount) Does that account have a guarantee from us? Nanna: No, but its still outstanding. Captain: He doesn't want it paid. Nanna: I thought he said he wanted his bills paid off. Captain: He said he wanted his guaranteed accounts paid. Nanna: Well, moth-er fuck! (grumbles about wasting time on cheap clients) Captain: What we have here - is a failure t'communicate!