"Hood Slidin' Like Bo Duke"

That’s a lyric from the Dierks Bentley song “What Was I Thinkin’.” I’m not a huge country music fan but that song brings back some great memories. The lyrics and the MP3 are here: www.hit-country-music-lyrics.com. If you click on Top 20 List Dierks is #9 on it. When you click it, it brings up the lyrics and the song starts playing, at least on my computer. My parents were pretty strict so naturally I had to find a way around that. Which was hanging out with much older folks. My 16 year old self would ride the school bus to C.J.’s who lived in a holler, off a holler, off a holler. I’d change out of those prissy, sissy clothes my mom bought for me into jeans with more holes than denim, a pink tank top, camouflage jacket and shit kickers a 100 years old, cuz you never knew “where the night might lead.” C.J. and D.E. would get home from work with a fifth of vodka and a gallon of orange juice. C.J. was 6 years older than me and D.E. was 8 or 9. He had kids, course that don’t mean much around these parts. Serious drinking would ensue. We played drinking games and when we ran out of orange juice the vodka bottle would be passed to me. I was the only one whose liver was young enough to handle it. I’d shoot the rest of the bottle, which normally consisted of 2-3 good chugs. It would be about 10-11 p.m. by now and time to hit the dives. No bar where I lived could be considered a honky-tonk. We weren’t that high on the food chain. Hell, I doubt that two were even considered dives as most people there appeared to have dove and hit the bottom. Bottom dwellers, shit eaters, scum suckers. People who had a record a mile long, a couple murderers, bikers with bad, bad attitudes and guns. We didn’t hang there, we just bought booze and left. C.J. took care of me. She was like a big sister but a lot more protective. Never fear though, I had an attitude, a death wish and the balls to prove it. When I got something in my mind, there was no stopping me, sorta. Like the night I took off with J.W. and D.L. J.W. was hot, hot, hot. Black hair and the bluest eyes. He played basketball with my brother. D.L. was a little pipsqueak who looked like a good wind could have blown him away who bragged about his massive cock. He musta been a grower. I jumped in the truck with them, three sheets to the wind with C.J. and D.E. in hot pursuit. Nothing like a drag race on a one and a half lane road. C.J. and D.E. both had Mustangs so we got a head start. We got to the turn off to the 3rd holler when I told J.W. to take the right fork, instead of the left. He slowed down and looked at me, “Goll damn it girl, C.J.’ll kill me if I don’t take you home.” “What? You scared?” He gave me that “you bitch” look but spun around into the right hand fork. D.L. freaks. “Do you know how much fucking trouble we’re gonna be in man?? Do you know?? Fuck.” We hightailed it up the holler with D.L. looking for headlights behind us, cussing a blue streak. When J.W. pulled it over on an old logging road, D.L. jumped out. “I want nothing to do with this!” I did. I wanted everything to do with that boy. The only light was from the dashboard but he had that look in his eye and ohhh, I know I did. I am ready to eat that boy alive. Then D.L. bangs on the bed of the truck. “Headlights comin’.” DAMN IT!! I swing the door open and D.L. hops in. C.J. pulls up, “Get ya asses down the holler.” C.J. was the kind of person you just didn’t argue with. I’m pissed, J.W.’s pissed and D.L. isn’t real happy either. So, J.W. gets a wild hair, starts fucking around and ditches the truck. Meaning, he fucked around enough to put it IN the ditch. D.L. slides against the door and I slide against him. This is why I wear shit-kickers. C.J. pulls up from the way we came and D.E. pulls up from the other direction. J.W. pulls me and D.L. out from the driver’s side since we’re kissing dirt on the other side. There’s no hope. Neither of the Mustangs can pull that bitch out and we’re not going to be able to push it either. We split up and that was the end of that. You may wonder why I let C.J. order me around. First, she was a big girl but second, I was wild as hell and damn ready to fuck my life up as completely and royally as I could in the shortest time possible. A few years after that, she and D.E. sat down and had a talk with me. They said I didn’t belong there and I needed to get out. To hit the road and never look back. I did. I still fucked up royally but it was at least in a time period that I could handle it. Next Time: Halloween in the Holler