Friday, November 12, 2004

As Promised ... Let's Put the Anal in Sex

Wow, I have noticed a lot of people in the blogosphere are having the same thoughts as me. That in itself is just strange that I’ve seen posts that I can whole heartedly relate to on the same subject. Well, close to the same subject. Having said that let’s talk about intimacy and how I feel it relates to anal sex. I don’t really know where to start. I guess with my experiences with backdoor activities. First, I did have some experience with Nate’s dad in as far as rimming and playing whilst eating at the Y. That was when I first discovered how intense my orgasms could be with a little extra push at the bottom. We did attempt anal sex one time but it was all wrong so.. pfffffffft! I can’t really say how far along the Ex-Drunk Boyfriend (Ex) and I were in our relationship, probably about eight months or so, the first time we had anal sex. Its hard to describe the feelings that were behind it. I was completely relaxed, must have been a very good time for us in the relationship, and it happened very naturally. We had played around a bit with it and one night we got the lube out and went for it. He did have some experience in it so that helped in he knew what to do and what to expect and he knew what to tell me. (Hint: In/out slowly with an extremely hard dick working your way slowly inside - this feels very good and it makes you forget the discomfort and RELAX and breath) I can say that it is the most vulnerable I had felt since I had Nate. Anyone who’s had a baby or watched a baby being born knows what I mean. I mean, this is serious stuff. There can be major complications if its rushed and damage occurs to the tissues. It isn’t without risk. Also, no double dipping, dick stays in ass or out of ass but does not play with the pussy. Yuck... okay... just yuck. Talk about infection risk. Anyway, it also isn’t without a bit of pain and discomfort at first. One time we went to do it and something was DEFINITELY WRONG!!! I don’t know what it was but something was uber sensitive and it felt like he was poking me with a hot iron. I’m all for working through things but there was NO WAY it was going to happen that night. We called it off, at least the anal part of it, and tried again in a week or so and it was fine. I can tell you the shock and amazement when I realized, "Oh my God, he is all the way in me!" And then he started longer strokes and it burned just a bit but he didn’t rush anything and then... dear Lord and Lady... pleasure, pleasure like I had never felt. It’s a different kind of pleasure too (of course I’m only speaking from my own experience and what it was like for me), sort of a little burny at times, but then that went away. It was just... addictive. I’m on my knees with my shoulders on the bed and I have one hand on my clit and he’s stroking me up the ass and then he leans over me and I raise up on my hands and he kisses me. That was just simply amazing. There is no other word to describe it. It was so intimate and caring and our hushed voices as he’s asking me if I’m okay and holding me around the waist with one arm and rubbing my back with the other, moving inside of me. I’m back with the shoulders on the mattress and it feels like he’s all around me and inside of me at the same time. And I’m hot.... almost burning up from the inside out. It could have been 10 degrees in that room and I would have still sweated. I remember him leaning over me again, whispering to me and I just remember telling him... fuck me. He lengthened the stroke a bit and moved a little faster. That wasn’t really cutting it though, so, I just rocked back into him, harder and faster so that he got the message. I felt that hesitation and I know he was afraid of hurting me. There’s was no stopping me, NONE. Had I not been buried in the mattress my head would have spun around a la The Exorcist (minus the pea soup) and that unearthly voice would have said, "fuck me." I was completely unprepared for the orgasm. Oh, I felt it start, but I was utterly unprepared for the intensity. I was unprepared for the fact that the pleasure would be so strong, so... fucking out of this world that I was going to scream. The pillows were who-knows-where and I just had to try and cover my mouth with my free hand because the other was buried somewhere between my legs. He followed me very, very shortly, which was good because I was hyper-sensitive by that time. We collapsed on the bed and he let himself go completely soft before he pulled out of me. Ahhh... then the warm washcloth. That felt good too. Being alive felt good, everything felt good. Laying with him in the bed, whispering afterwards, then drifting off to sleep together. I had another friend who had mentioned it to me before I met the Ex and I was totally uninspired. I think it was the intimacy of the first time... that’s what I needed in order to propel that forward. Plus, and importantly, it wasn’t just his desire, it was also mine. The previous players had broken down a lot of the taboos about sex and pleasure and I realized there was a whole other world out there... waiting for me. Anal sex did not become a regular part of our sexual relationship but it was asked for by both parties and enjoyed when the time was right. It took me a while to get there, to have that trust for something that could possibly be quite painful. I had no idea what to expect and I’m sure its different for each woman. I think if you’ve never even played around the backdoor, with licking, caressing and some light penetration, such as a well lubed thumb in the ass during reverse cowgirl (thank you Red... whew!), then you probably shouldn’t attempt anal sex. If a woman is curious about it and willing to try and move towards it then it can’t be rushed. I know myself, I always thought it would be painful, degrading and only for his pleasure. My only experience with it was watching porn. What the hell did I know?? And face it, some women are just simply NOT INTERESTED! And if they’re not, they’re not. They don’t want anything to do with it. Its just not their thing. Deal with it. I’m glad that it happened the way that it did and I got that experience. Some of my friends love it and others have tried it and don’t and others will not try it at all. Its amazing to me that I actually contemplated having anal sex with Red. Had there been lube around, it may have happened. Why? Because it felt right. I think some people have the mistaken notion that a one-night stand is devoid of emotion and is just two people fucking towards orgasm. I’m sure it is in many, many cases. But, I knew Red, I had dated Red and I had ‘that’ feeling, that comfortable, intimate feeling which is damn hard to describe. It was just ‘there." Maybe if we ever see each other again, it might be there and it might not. Oh, and other women have said that they're embarrassed because they may pass gas or it may get messy. My take is this... if you're that worried about a misfire in the middle of an intimate moment and what your boyfriend/husband/whatever is going to think... you probably shouldn't be doing it and you're probably not going to enjoy it as much because you're worried about it. Furthermore, it has the same effect on you as thinking your ass is too wide, your boobs are too saggy or your nut sack is too low, it means you can't relax. Hint: LOVE IS BLIND. That's right. Love enables us to see past the physical imperfections to the core of a person. Oh, hell, I'm not lecturing on this, I blogged about it before. Plato and all that jazz. Anyway. That’s my take on it. I would like to have the kind of relationship where we could enjoy that type and level of intimacy. I also realize though, that it has to come from both parties and as difficult as it is for me to trust and give so much of myself and then the whole male thing... who knows if I will ever be there again. Alright peeps, I’m out. See ya Monday!!!
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