One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingy

9:49 p.m. "Hey, you know, its okay to say no. Sometimes you just need a break." *beep* "Hey, hold on, I gotta beep, it might be so-and-so." *click* Hello? *beep* Motherfuck! *click* HelLO? "Hi, may I speak to Inanna puhhleeze." "Oh, shit, goddamn, no. What the fuck do you want?" "You know what I want." "Oh, goddamn, fuck, god, fuck no. No, I'm on another line. NO." *click* "Hey." "Hey." "Guess who that was?" "Who?" "Ex-boss callin' for some booty. Dumbass." ... Later that same evening IM Chat Lex: how come ur not out and 'bout? Nanner: Just chillun. Lex: ever get your cleanin' done? lol Nanner: Hell no. Lex: Gonna head out and about... Lex: I'll look fur ya online later. Nanner: Okay. See ya, have fun, take care. Lex: Too bad about da cleanin'... Wuz thinkin bout coming by and inspecting... lol (Lex logs off) Nanner *sings* Lex is a big ole farty cat! Farty cat! Lex is a big ole scaredy cat! Scaredy cat! Lex is a big ole smelly cat! Smellllly CAT! Smelllly CAT! Pfffffft! The ex-boss called me on Wednesday too. Luckily, I saw the Caller ID and just rolled my eyes and didn't pick up. WHAT. THE. FUCK? After almost four years the mofo suddenly decides that he can't live without fucking me??? Not that I would have slept with him anytime IN the past four years!! Stupid. As for Lex... Pfffffffffft! What the hell?? And what exactly did that fucking mean? I know, its an inside joke between us about the "house cleaning and inspection." Its just that everytime he got ready to come down I ran around straightening because I wanted him to feel comfortable here and when we broke up, I didn't feel any such pressure. Soooo, had I said, "Yeah, house is clean," would that have entitled him to come down here? Did he think that? But to me, its like he was dangling his carrot in my face. Yes, that carrot. As though I'm so hard up for it (shut up) that I'm just going to accept what ever dangles?? Notice that he said he was going out. Did he ask me if I wanted to go out with him? You'll notice, he did not. I do not like being hidden away. That's bullshit. I can pay my own way. Don't let me interfere with your style man, but you ain't gettin' any either! If you can't be straight up with me, say what's on your mind or your dick, then stop playin'. And I HATE THAT.. if you were only X or do X then I would be Y or do Y. Fuck that. The whole, if you would just conform to my standards you shall be rewarded thing. What the fuck makes him think being with him was ALL THAT? Sexually, okay, I can't complain. Otherwise ... no. And I would want this again why??? So last night...er this morning at 3:30 as he was logging in, I was logging out. I woke up this morning and found an offline message that said, "Nighty." I flipped it the middle finger. I'm not holding out for us to pick up our relationship where we left off. I'm really not interested because it appears as though the things that we talked about a few months ago... well, it hasn't brought about any significant difference in how he treats me. Okay, none. He's a really nice emotionally disabled guy with his head stuck up his ass. Between him and AZ, I'm done with pulling guys heads out of their asses. It doesn't work. People will not change unless they want to, no matter HOW MUCH YOU ENCOURAGE THEM TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGE IN THEIR LIFE!!!! Not for someone else, BUT FOR THEM!! To lead happier, more fulfilling lives. You know, its not like I sat back in judgement and said, "Yo, you need to change this." They came to me, telling me of their woes and trials and I was honest with them, then nothing happens. Okay. Fine. But in the words of My Sunshine, I gotta keep on, keepin' on.