Monday, September 20, 2004

Trip Report

* This post will include descriptions of female full frontal nudity, flatulence and lust. If you believe you may find such content offensive, please check back tomorrow for PG rated material* Definitions: * Air time - the amount of time your butt stays off the seat during negative G. * ERT - (Exclusive Ride Time) when the park shuts down to regular customers and allows coaster groups to ride certain attractions. * Lift hill - when the coaster is pulled up the hill by a chain or other mechanism under the coaster. * Launch - when the coaster does not have a lift hill but is literally "launched" by a hydraulic or similar system. * Trim - the braking mechanism on a coaster on the track that slows the coaster and makes the ride smoother. * Trimming the trim - disengaging or decreasing the trim mechanism to make the coaster go faster for crazy coaster enthusiasts. * Woody - a wooden roller coaster. * MF - Millennium Force * Rollback - when the hydraulics on Dragster don’t boost enough and instead of the coaster topping over, it stops and rolls back. It is designed to do this in case of hydraulic failure. DAY ONE - LET’S KICK THE TIRES AND LIGHT THE FIRES After an extremely rainy trip where we saw flooding from Ivan, we finally turned west on I-80 outside of Cleveland and relished the clear skies. After stowing our luggage at the hotel we hit Cedar Point with one coaster in mind - Top Thrill Dragster. It was 7:15 as we made our way to the yellow penis of CP. Yep, that’s what it looks like. No wonder the women talk about Dragstergasms. Beanie and her coaster buddies were in contact via cellphone. My first trip on Dragster was sans glasses as I didn’t have a strap to go on them. It was probably a good thing. One coaster guy in line was riding for his 395th time!! And yes, as Bunsen mentioned, they have very strict ride requirements. As we stepped up to the gate, Dragster went down. Sigh. After a 20 minute delay it was ready. We strapped in, seat belt first then lap bar. We taxied up to the starting area that has the Christmas tree lights. We shifted and rolled back slightly as hydraulics hissed. From the rollback to start is five seconds. Yellow Yellow Yellow Green Within four seconds we are rocketing 120 mph down the track to a 90 degree lift hill with a 90 degree turn peaking at 420 feet. You barely have time to look around before you’re plunging 90 degrees down the other side, twisting through a 270 degree turn and you finish. WHOOOO HOOOO!!! Then we rode it again, which was better the second time since I knew what to expect. Yet this whole time it was dark and I was blind. Then it was on to Magnum XL-200. We start up the lift hill and as start down the 60 degree hill drop is feels as though we’re nose over ass as we drop 195 feet. We hit the first of three tunnels and at some point banked hard to the left and felt like not only me but the whole coaster was coming off of the track. Tunnel two saw flashbulbs as the online ride photos were taken. Bunny hops (small hills) and the final tunnel and bunny hop combined (aaaaahhh), massive air time on this ride! WOW!! This was by far my favorite coaster. I like long coasters. It is right up there with Son of Beast at PKI (Paramounts Kings Island) although SOB is a woody and rougher than Magnum. Finally its off to Millennium Force. MF has a fast lift hill due to an elevator cable system and a 300 foot drop at 80 degrees on the other side... OMG!!! A rush too, even compared to Dragster. 122 degree overbanked turns.... geeeeeeezzzzzzz!!!! HOLD ON!!! Wow, the G forces on those turns are incredible at 92 mph.!! It doesn’t last as long as Magnum but definitely worth doing again. It was close to 11:00 so we headed back to the hotel to meet up with our roomies, April from OH, a friend of Beanie’s who I had met once before and Jodi, who was flying in from CA and driving from Cleveland. It was the first time Jodi would meet any of the coaster enthusiasts in person. Girl talk would ensue for the next few hours and I finally gave up and crashed. ERT on Dragster and Raptor was to begin at 6:30 a.m. DAY TWO - TURN AND BURN BABY, TURN AND BURN!! Ugh! Great weariness and bleary eyes saw us traipsing through CP at the ripe hour of 6:45. We picked up our Coastermania buttons and took off for Dragster. This time I had a tight strap on my glasses and it was daylight. Let me tell ya, the first ride on Dragster after watching a rollback was intense. "Are we gonna make it?" We did, both times. After finally being able to see, I wondered if I was had seriously lost my mind. WOW!!!!! It was like the first time all over again. We headed over to Raptor, an inverted, outside looping roller coaster. The seats are similar to those at sky lift and use lap belts and shoulder harnesses or "butterflies." Wicked, wicked with your feet dangling and looping on the outside of the track as opposed to the inside through six upside down turns: one vertical loop, two inverted corkscrews, a zero gravity roll and a "cobra roll" which turned us upside down twice. (Yeah, I’m stealing descriptions from the CP site, sue me) We went to the Coastermania picnic where Jodi won a grab bag for writing a poem about MF filled with about $150 to $200 worth of merchandise. Afterwards we went back to the hotel for a little R&R before ERT on Magnum and MF. I died for 3 hours. We had meant to be back to the park by 6:00 to take pictures and pick up a few souvenirs but it was closer to 6:30 as we parked on the back lot and went inside. I took pics of Dragster, we found April and the three of us hit the Beach. We took pictures and I ran around scaring seagulls and wading in Lake Erie. The weather was INCREDIBLE!!! Beautiful. Just gorgeous. I stowed my stuff in a locker and we got in line for Magnum ERT at 8:30. OMG!!! After the first ride in which the hair on my scalp was almost pulled off, we found out they had trimmed the trim to 0%. NO BRAKES!!! That bitch BOOKED!!! HOLY SHIT!!! They also had the lights out so it was extra spooky trying to see in total darkness the next turn or bank, not to mention the tunnels and bunny hops. It ROCKED!!! It was a lot rougher due to the speed but coaster enthusiasts don’t care. We probably rode it 10-15 times in a row. I mean, WHAT A RUSH!!! One of the reasons I rode so much was because I was in total and complete lust with one of the ride ops... slurp!! A young stud muffin named Michael from Poland. I just wanted one hour of he and I in my hotel room alone. YUM!!! Finally we headed over to MF for ERT. We had to wait about half of an hour, which was the longest wait we had all weekend. Riding MF in the dark rocked as well, especially since I could see, well, sorta. At last, back to the hotel about 11:00 to freshen up, then to meet coaster peeps for a beer and food. That didn’t happen as the whole city of Sandusky shuts down their kitchens at 11:00, unless its Steak and Shake. We just wanted a beer so Mike from CA, Beanie and I went to a bar across from the hotel. Beanie barely made it through a beer and headed back across the street. Mike and I sat and chatted before I left. What a nice guy!!!! Not our Mike either, a different Mike from CA. LOL!!! So, its Beanie, Jodi and I sitting around talking, trying to wind down when April comes barreling being her normal self and suddenly lets one rip!! We laughed so hard we could barely breath. April said she had gas from the compression of the coasters and we’re trying to instruct her on how to move it around so it can be expelled. (And peeps thought only guys did that shit). We had her leaning on the back of a chair and she let another one rip!! LMAO!!! Then we were trying to get her to lay on the floor and pull her knees back to her shoulders but she wouldn’t do it. April starts changing clothes and loudly proclaims that she can suck her own tit. LMFAO!!! She said, "Do you wanna see?" I said, "Hold on, let me put my glasses on," which caused Beanie and Jodi to hit the floor. So she does it and I said, "Well, I can do that!" She said, "Let’s see!" So I did. Then we talked Jodi into it!!! We laughed so hard we couldn’t breath. Beanie isn’t as well endowed as we C and Der’s so she was spared. More girl talk ensues until once again, I pass out. I met tons of great peeps, ate great food and rode other coasters I didn’t get to here. It was an AWESOME TRIP!!! Well worth the time and money. Whew! Now, back to the grindstone. Welcome back bloggers! How was your trip?
  • |


    Blogger Michael said...

    Glad you had such a great trip, Inianna Jones. All this talk of rollercoasters. I miss going on one, esp. that empty feeling in your stomach as you descend. I only get that feeling when I come to work each morning.

    9/20/2004 03:44:00 PM  
    Blogger Traci Dolan said...

    Mike -- There is some coaster out there called "X" which is supposed to totally rock. Jodi is in love with it. You get the prize for most creative use of my name!!!

    9/20/2004 03:47:00 PM  
    Blogger Varla said...

    Oh my god, I love roller coasters. What a great trip...your friends sound like a riot. Trimming the Trim! That usually means something else in my dirty little world...Great Post!!!

    9/20/2004 07:51:00 PM  
    Blogger Phoesable said...

    Your descriptions are even a rush to read... I echo Mike... this makes me want to ride a roller coaster.

    p.s. Is Morty home?

    9/20/2004 09:44:00 PM  
    Blogger Zelda said...

    I've gotten really nauseated on roller coasters the last few times I've gone on them, but your descriptions make me want to try again. Glad you had a good time, and glad you're back.

    9/20/2004 10:33:00 PM  
    Blogger Trashman said...

    I never knew Trimming the Trim had 2 meanings. Sounds like you had a great time. I never have been much of a coaster person they hurt to much (lot of rough years on my body to get banged around like that). But your story makes me want to go out and give it a try.

    9/21/2004 12:24:00 AM  
    Blogger Traci Dolan said...

    Hey guys!! Glad I inspired you guys to get back out there!!! Dramamine and Ibuprofen work wonders!! I don't use the first but I do the second. Hope to hear about your adventures! Oh and Jodi is writing a book about how coasters are like men and sexual etc. Must be why there are so many "sexual" terms. :o)

    9/21/2004 09:25:00 AM  
    Blogger Celti said...

    Wow, I am so envious. I LOVE roller coasters! We used to go to Worlds of Fun in KC after school started, so we would get to go over and over on the coasters without getting off because there was no line. It rocked. They have one called that Zambizi Zinger that rips around through the trees and through an underground tunnel. Oh, how I love the coasters. Sounds like a FABULOUS weekend!

    9/21/2004 10:17:00 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    It was my pleasure to show one my dearest friends one of my favorite parks, and to watch her expression as she had her first "Dragstergasm". As far as the Magnum ERT on Saturday night, I was in total bliss and almost forgot that my "first" love was Dragster. NEVER in my life have I had such orgasmic Magnum rides........SWEET!
    It was a blast introducing her to my nutty coaster peeps and having her learn some of our "language".

    I have been to a bunch of parks all over the country (approx. 267 roller coasters) and none of them really compares to The Point.
    We have been best friends for 20 years and have taken many trips together to King's Island, Carowinds, and Myrtle Beach since we were teens, but NOTHING compared to this trip!

    We will have to do it time.......Holiday World? Six Flags Great America? Hersheypark? Busch Gardens Williamsburg? Woohoo!

    The post-Coastermania estrogen, man-bashing, self-tit sucking bitch fest was a blast and I have never laughed so hard in my life.

    -Tina (da Beanie)

    9/21/2004 09:33:00 PM  

    Post a Comment

    << Home