Friday, September 02, 2005


I was reading over my old blog posts because I just felt like it and thought, Damn, I can be pretty funny when I want to be. I found a few that I wanted to resurrect and maybe bring a smile to some faces when smiles are in short order. I thought I would re-write this a bit and make it more understandable. What I write in italics is what I was THINKING. "What ever is in quotations is what was SAID." Channeling Jim Morrison I answer phones on roll-over at work. That means the receptionist is stuck with someone and the phone ring and rings. It’s a chance you take picking it up, afraid it might be that client you've been dodging. I usually try and disguise my voice. Today, I got a guy who said, "I gotta sort of a wierd question." God, I love these. He said, "I was divorced in '98 in Florida," immediately I'm thinking, Good, I'll refer him back to Florida. Bad me. "Well, my ex-wife called to let me know her dad died and the estate is worth a couple million dollars." Ooooookaay."Now, why would she do that? Her dad and I were always on good terms." Be damned if I know mister since you called a law firm instead of a psychic hotline, but I'd try like hell to get back in her good graces. "Well sir, perhaps you were named in the will." "I didn't think of that." Damn, but I did! "Me and him were always close. Just because I divorced her don't mean I divorced him." Oooookaaay "Sir, did she just call and say, 'hey, my dad died, he's worth 2 million?'" That'll teach ya for divorcing me! "No, no, matter a fact, we talked for 4 hours and cried together. See, she never got along with her dad very well," So much for the inheritance, dump her! "And I broke on through to the other side," Whooaaaa, serious 60's drug use here causing him to channel Jim Morrison, "so it really patched things up with them." Awwwwww... "Sir, I think maybe since you and her dad were so close that she wanted to talk to someone who loved him as much as she did. She needed to make a connection with someone who would understand what she was feeling," I am SO good! "Yeah, yeah, I think that may have been it." Then why the fuck did you just waste 5 minutes of my time? "Thanks for clearing that up for me. I really appreciate it." Not a problem, Thursdays are always my most psychic days.
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