Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I'm Not Your Bitch!

For the past three or four weeks, or months, hell, I lose track of time, my neighbors have been coming over and using the phone or sending TLC to get it. Hagar wants it especially first thing in the morning while I’m rushing trying to get ready to go to work and get Nate off to school. The absolute worst time of the day. I’ve heard them banging on the door while I’m in the shower even. I am a giving person and I try to help my neighbors in any way I can. However, as in the past, they don’t know when to stop. I hadn’t had my new $20 weedeater for ten minutes that Hagar wasn’t running over to ask to borrow it. I shit you not. Last week they didn’t have gas. They have a gas water tank so they want to borrow my big pot to heat water in. I think they have all of my big pots over there already and if I did have one I guarantee in my kitchen, it was probably dirty. So, on pay day they get the gas turned back on - I’m assuming - but then buy some, uhhhhhh, okay, drugs. Painkillers. I know their drug dealer very well and no its not me. Digression So, I got up late, of course, and I needed to hang clothes out on the line because this may be the only day I get to. I guess TLC came over while I was outside in the backyard because Hagar came over and BANGED on the door like maybe he thought I was asleep or in the shower since he needed to use the phone. So, I come into the living room from putting laundry in the basket to take outside and I open the door and he says, "Lemme have the phone." Peeps, that flew all over me. I retorted with, "May you use my phone? Yeess." Hagar says, "Oh, just forget it. Just forget it. *mumble* *mumble*" I leaned out the door and said, "EXCUSE ME?" He said, "Fuck you!" Fuck me? No, no, no... fuck you Hagar. Just when did I become his bitch? I didn’t, you see, and therein lies the problem. While it may be irritating that he wants to use the phone every fucking morning, it may be irritating that he wants to use my pots and pans and weedeater, and it may be irritating that J.A. comes over and uses the phone in the evenings, but it never reached any type of level which actually made me mad. Pissed me off? Yeah. Made me mad? No. There is no fine line between me being pissed off and me being angry. It’s a chasm. I’m mad because Hagar’s reaction to what I said was meant to invoke a response of GUILT in me. GUILT!! The "fine, fine, alright then," is a manipulative phrase. As if I should feel GUILTY because I expect respect on my own porch and in my own home. I did not take them to fucking raise. I am not anyone’s bitch. They make about 20K more a year than I do. Yeah, they have one more person, yeah, I know their house payment is more than mine but it sure as hell doesn’t equal 20K a year. Fucking forgive me but if you’re going to spend $45 on illegally begotten painkillers instead of buying time for one of your cell phones, so you can stop harassing your neighbor, and keep your utilities turned on then you may want to politely fucking ASK for something as opposed to demanding it. Then tossing a guilt trip towards me? I may not deserve any fucking humanitarian awards but I’ll be damned if I lay down and be someone’s rug. I’m no one’s bitch.
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