Which Way Did I Go?

Life can be confusing. This, I know. This whole thing about the shop and AZ and his reaction and the employees’ reactions. *Shakes head* See, the guys want me there, at least the two of them that realize that AZ seriously needs a break in his workload. However, I’ve warned them absolutely not are they to mention, which the dumbasses already have, that I’m cute, hot, sexy, built, or any other word to describe the fact that I’m woman in any way. Remember that whole spiel with Lex, AZ, and the jealousy thing? Yeah, jealousy can be a problem. The other problem could be that the guys don’t know me. They see a cute woman who might make the boss’s life easier but I don’t think they’re quite grasping the concept that if they dick around, it’s me who is going to be busting their balls. I wouldn’t be there to be “cute” I would be there to order supplies, work on advertising, sales, marketing, help with the printing, doing the books, and making sure they are doing their jobs. Them doing their jobs is one of the reasons AZ has to be there as frequently as he is. Two of the guys fight like bitches. One of the guys has all of these great ideas but... they cost time and money when they don’t work out. This is pissing AZ off. Yakking on the phone for an hour, pisses AZ off. Bringing your personal life into the workplace to the point it affects your job, pisses AZ off. So, as you can see, they’re spending a lot of their time pissing AZ off. I’m all for having a relaxed atmosphere where employees can meet their full potential. There is a line, however, between relaxed and working hard and dicking around. There are a multitude of things I would rather be doing than working so when I work, especially in a situation where there are deadlines, I expect people to pull their weight. When I look at the board, it’s all there in color what needs to be done and what the deadline is and what may be coming up in the future, orders that are on hold, orders that need artwork, screens need to be cleaned, some need to reclaimed, ink needs to be scraped, tools cleaned and put in order, screens burned and cured so they can be used the next day, supplies, especially shirts, need ordered. AZ hasn’t made up his mind yet about having me there. He calls me practically every evening that he has to leave me at the shop with the guys because he has other responsibilities and obligations to fulfill. This morning it was 1:15. We talked for an hour, even though we were both exhausted. He fell asleep on the phone with me. Luckily, he’s a light sleeper so I didn’t have to yell too loud to get him to wake up so he could turn his phone off. He had been awake 22 hours. I have to say though, I really enjoy our conversations. They are eclectic to say the least. One moment we’re discussing the shop, the next it’s other obligations we have, bits and pieces of our day, anecdotes (he heard why karma is a big fat bitch with a mustache last night), and then the sound of clothes being shucked off, and both of us lying in our respective beds. One night, whilst chilling out, I said, “We’re undressed, lying in bed, now we can sleep together.” And yet again tonight, another 45 minute conversation. And yet again, he fell asleep on me. I was at the shop from 12:40 until 7 and he stopped by to pick up a personal order he had done for a bridal couple. Let me tell ya folks, you see those pretty, pretty t-shirts with all the nice colors on them, you know, 5-7 different colors on one t-shirt, yeah, let me tell you how hard those bitches are to set up. Pain. In. The. Ass. Three and a half hours with two people working on lining it all up so you have a coherent design. Please appreciate it the next time you see one. If you own one, go hug it. You know, before AZ asked me why we keep coming full circle I had finally made a peace with it. I didn’t have to know, I didn’t have to understand, I didn’t have to have an explanation. For the most part, I still don’t. I try to live in the moment with him. Every moment may not be made in Heaven, frankly, a lot of people would think it’s closer to hell on Earth (just dial “hell” and I’ll answer - thank you “Elizabethtown.”). It’s not hell. But, damn, yes, it can be confusing, and damn, yes, sometimes I wonder. I wonder why he has a girlfriend and he’s falling asleep with me. Why am I the last person he thinks about at night? Why is my voice the last he hears before he falls asleep? Life can be confusing. This, I know.