Let's All Take A Deep Cleansing Breath....

Things in my home did not improve overnight and this morning was an unmitigated disaster. Nate messed around and wasn't following instructions to put his shoes on so I applied hand to ass treatment. The palm of my hand connected solidly with his ass cheek, however, he's so thin and bony and my wrist is so thin and bony that they also connected. I guarantee my fucking wrist feels a lot worse than his ass-end. Sigh. Then I got one of those sweet calls from a collection agency wanting Nate's school lunch bill paid. I told him the truth, I didn't know how I was going to pay it and I was trying like hell to work it into my non-existent budget. He said, "I will note your refusal to pay." Wha??? Before I could say that I had every intention of paying, I just didn't know how or when, he hung up on me. OH. MY. GOD. LIVID does not begin to describe my reaction. I think if the cordless phone had been in my hand I would have broken a window out of my house. I have calmed down a bit but don't think I will take that. I believe in paying my bills. I know peeps don't believe that because other peeps will do anything to keep from paying up. If I didn't want to pay my bills I certainly wouldn't have gone to credit counseling to help me pay them off. Filing bankruptcy would have been much easier and I wouldn't be busting my ass to pay shit off. But I don't believe in making other peeps responsible for my fuck-ups, nor my son's medical bills or anything else. I believe in paying my own way, regardless of how much I have to sacrifice to do it. I think if things were much, much worse, then yes, I would have but things are always manageable in my eyes. So, what will I do? First, I'm going to calm down. Second, I'm going to review the collection procedure law. Third, I'm going to obtain the name of the representative's supervisor and his or her supervisor. Fourth, I will write a letter detailing the conversation and the misrepresentation of what was stated and letting them know that the ONLY option I have is to wait until I get my bonus in November or December to pay off the debt. That's the ONLY option I have. If that's not good enough, then they can sue me and I'd like to find something for them to collect off of. My car isn't paid for, my house isn't paid for... and I doubt I'll be selling either one, so placing a lien against the property won't due them much good either. I'm so much easier to get along with when you don't hang up on me and treat me like a person. I don't like feeling this way and its detrimental to everything around me. Nothing is worse than walking around with a scowl that my boss can see in his office with his door closed. I just read my affirmations and try very hard to live by them. Here's a few in lieu of song, album and book of the day: 1. I'm the only one who can take control of my life. 2. Be a mirror that makes everyone look good. 3. Don't give up. 4. Smile, no one likes a sourpuss. 5. You have to be positive to draw positivity to you. 6. Treat people with all the respect, dignity and caring you would want to be treated with, even if they are assholes because to do any less makes you one of them. (This is the hardest one!!) 7. Make sure you're part of the solution and not part of the problem. 8. Look in the mirror, this is the person who can empower you. 9. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you have to be cruel. 10. Always temper your emotions with logic and reason. 11. Don't jump to conclusions, ask questions. (This isn't very easy either) Breathe in, breathe out....